The Crabby Cook Cookbook: Recipes and Rants

Publishers Information

About The Crabby Cook Cookbook: Recipes and Rants

Publisher Web Link: http://www.workman.com/

Introducing a very funny, slightly edgy, winning new kind of cookbook Jessica Harper—that Jessica Harper, star of Minority Report, Stardust Memories, Love and Death, Pennies from Heaven, and more—is a working mother of two who faces the same problems of every other woman who’s the designated home cook: How do you feed a family of picky eaters when you’re not crazy about being in the kitchen in the first place? A natural-born storyteller and terrifically engaging writer, she does what she’s done all her life—entertain us—while at the same time offering 100 not just easy but really easy-to-make, really tasty recipes.

Her stories are filled with charming crabbiness—of cooking early in the day for the two kids who eat only six things, then later for the husband who eats only about eight things, none of which share common ground with those first six; of inviting her mother-in-law for dinner and handing her an apron; of suffering HAS—Hostess Anxiety Syndrome—having the book club over and picking The Good Earth because it matches the neighborhood’s great new Chinese take-out, so no cooking involved! She wants to give a Nobel Prize to the person who invented bagged salad, and she recounts a wonderful story of making homemade turkey pot pie for the very first time—its crust tasted like rosemary-scented Play-Doh—to serve to Richard Gere and Cindy Crawford.

But crabby or not, she’s found a way to make it work, and work brilliantly. The Crabby Cook is about how to change your food-i-tude—no more garnish guilt, for example, and why “sort of homemade” is just as good as homemade (ie, knowing when to go all out with Pain-in-the-Ass Minestrone and when to settle for the almost-as-tasty Lazy-Ass Minestrone). It’s how to identify those Miracle Foods—the stuff that everyone loves, like Gobble-It-Up Turkey Chili and Tony’s Rigatoni. And even a whole survival guide—despite her HAS—to entertaining, including drinks, Whore’s Doorves, Dip One and Dip Two, and My Big Fat Greek Platter.

Author Information

About Jessica Harper

Author Web Link: http://thecrabbycook.com/

For a long time I, Jessica Harper, thought I was the only crabby cook in town. While I bitched my way through daily cooking for my picky family, I envied my friends who seemed so Martha Stewart-y, all rushing around recipe swapping and table decorating, merrily searing tuna.

Ashamed of my inability to experience the joy of cooking, I kept my gnarly attitude to myself. While I pretended to be Julia Child-like, I secretly honed my cooking-avoidance skills: I ripped easy recipes from the magazines in my therapist’s office, I trolled the city for takeout options, I invited my mother-in-law for dinner and handed her an apron.

Then one day, not so long ago, I had some girlfriends over for lunch. (This is something I do once a century.) Between bites of takeout sushi, my friend Kathy announced, “You know, the thing that makes me saddest in life is that I have to cook dinner every night.”

I was stunned: I’d thought Kathy was a regular Rachael Ray-ver! She makes killer stroganoff! Freezes pesto in the ice cube tray! Owns monogrammed coasters!

Oh, I know, my friend Lynn said, “Doesn’t it suck?” Lynn went on to explain that her son had gone vegan while her daughter was a carnivore and her toddler would only eat white toast. She’d prepare three different meals and then drink a martini and take a nap.

I was shocked: I thought Lynn was the next Nigella!

But this was just the tip of the iceberg lettuce. Denise and Leslie and Diane all confessed: they were sick of daily cooking for their picky families. Even my sister-in-law Julie, who writes a newspaper column on the joys of home cooking, had this response when I asked her how she feels about daily food prep: “I HATE IT!” She said it with a vehemence I thought only I was capable of.

I was not alone! Apparently the world was full of crabby cooks!

The day my friends and I outed ourselves, I got the idea for The Crabby Cook blog. A site with recipes and survival tips for the culinarily challenged, it wouldn’t solve all our problems (it wouldn’t actually make dinner), but it would make daily cooking easier. The Crabby Cook’s mission would be to understand and pre-empt the irritability caused by too much cooking.

The recipes here are not complex or glamorous. This is everyday, family-friendly food, home-tested for acceptability by very picky people (my relatives). Above all, the recipes are simple. The exceptions are the Miracle Foods, which have more ingredients than crabby cooks normally want to deal with, but are worth it because everybody on the planet loves the results.

The blog is also chock-a-block with incidental writing about family feeding, hopefully to amuse you while you cook, or even for reading on a night when you’re not cooking. (Like that’ll ever happen.)

You’ll also notice the absence of gorgeous photos of chefs offering perfect platters of steaming food at a picnic in Tuscany. If you’re a crabby cook, images such as these only make you feel like a loser. Instead, you’ll see photos of my fat dog, Oliver, eating my roast chicken, or spaghetti spilled on the patio. Much easier to relate to.Now, get busy and read a recipe! Unless your computer can make dinner, you’re going to need to do it. (If you DO have a computer that makes dinner, call me. I’ll make you an offer you’ll probably refuse.)

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The Crabby Cook Cookbook: Recipes and Rants

by Jessica Harper